Adoptive Parenting

Check out some of Pact’s most timely and popular publications. For permission to reprint or repost, please contact Beth Hall at beth@pactadopt.org.

Book Review: Adoption Unfiltered

Book Review: Adoption Unfiltered: Revelations from Adoptees, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Allies by Sara Easterly, Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and Lori Holden reviewed by Pact Staff If you’re seeking to move past the “fairy tale” and deepen your understanding...

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A Transracially-Adopted Child’s Bill of Rights

by Liza Steinberg 1998 Adapted from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Dramé. Every child is entitled to love and full membership in his or her family. Every child is entitled to have his or her heritage and culture embraced and valued. Every child is...

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Things I Need From Those Who Love Me

by April Dinwoodie 2018 Growing up as a transracially adopted person in the seventies and eighties, I never imagined it would be harder today than it was then to move through the world as a person of color. While there was a stark lack of diversity in rural Rhode...

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Understanding Trauma & Behavior in Adopted Children

by Bryan Post 2020  Along the stress-full journey we shall go In his seminal work, “The Emotional Brain,” neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux explores how traumatic experiences in early childhood, whether remembered or not, can impact adult behavior. “In times of stress,” he...

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For White Parents of Black and Brown Boys and Girls

by Rebekah Hutson 2018 Listen, don’t dismiss The worst possible thing you can do is ignore me, to ignore my voice and my concerns. As someone who loves me, you should be there to support me through my transracial adoption journey, which is lifelong. Too many times,...

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What I Wish I Had Known

2014 When we asked Pact members what they wish they had known before they adopted, we weren’t sure what kind of response we would get. The feedback we received, overwhelming in volume, was primarily from white parents parenting children of color. Clear themes emerged,...

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“Mom, I have something to tell you…”

by Beth Hall 2014 Mom… Hey, sweetie! Mom, I have something to tell you. For those of you who have adult children old enough to live away from home, you will no doubt recognize the fear these words put into the hearts of parents. Is anything wrong? No, no, at least I...

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Letter to Our School: We Have a New Baby by Adoption!

2014  Families often consult Pact about how to tell their communities when they have a new baby join their family through adoption. Adoptive parents James and Heidi sent the following letter to parents and teachers in their school community, and gave us permission to...

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Two Sides of the Same Coin: How We Talk About Adoption

by Steve Kalb 2018 “Use your words,” I remember telling my daughter. Only two years old at the time, she was upset and couldn’t articulate her feelings. I needed her to speak to me in a way I could understand so I could address her problem. I now realize how...

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Talking with Children About Sadness in Adoption

by Dawn Friedman 2014 “It’s very dangerous where I was born.” The little boy* in my office was eight years old and worried. He was sitting on the edge of his chair, fiddling with the markers in front of him, popping their lids on and off. “There are dangerous people...

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Getting to the Truth about Adoption

by Mary Grossnickle 2015 Many of us have experienced loss in our lives: Loss of a loved one, a marriage, the possibility of not having biological children. All are losses that can be life-altering and/or lifelong. Do you rage against the unfairness of it? Do you...

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Shadism: Skin Color Bias in Adoption

by Malaika Parker 2014 Shadism (a preference or privilege based on lighter over darker skin tones) is a conversation that gets directly to the heart of racism and its roots. In an effort to fight against these preferences and privileges, Pact does not engage in...

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Openness in Adoption

by Pact Staff When considering adoption, prospective parents are asked almost immediately to a make decision about whether they are seeking an open or closed adoption. Making parenting decisions before you become a parent can be challenging, particularly when they...

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Sibling Issues in Adoption

by Mary Martin Mason 1993 For several years my son's birth mother, my husband and I grappled with the best time to tell Josh that he has a half-brother. Josh's birth father has chosen not to participate in our arrangement of open adoption, and Josh's half-brother is...

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Ask Pact: Adoption-Unfriendly School Assignments

In school, children study more than reading and math; they learn how the world operates beyond their own homes. If they are lucky they are taught to search for commonality and to appreciate difference in their classmates and then in their wider community. One way that...

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Addressing the Needs of Non-Adopted Siblings

by Beth Hall 2018 Speaking from experience My parents loved to tell the story. They would describe the two ways children could come into the family: through birth and through adoption. In the end, it was me—the non-adopted sibling—and not Barbara, who burst into...

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One Woman’s Experience of Being a Black Adoptive Parent

by Lisa L. Moore, LICSW, PhD 2022 Full disclosure: Writing about adoption from the position of being an adoptive parent is new for me. I find the experience of producing my own narrative around adoption from this position to be one that challenges me for two reasons....

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Union and Transition: A Ceremony of Entrustment

by Rebecca Weller 2010 Rituals to mark and heighten a child’s transition from family of birth to family of adoption can be personal and highly moving. Here are excerpts from the entrustment ceremony for my son Elijah. Using ritual and symbol to acknowledge and share...

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Understanding Adoption Stories: Candle Ceremony

updated 2024 Understanding Adoption Stories: Candle Ceremony Ritual can play an important role in helping children (and adults) address and express unspoken feelings. The folks at FAIR (Families Adopting in Response) developed a beautiful ritual for adopted children...

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Prepare In Order To Protect

by Beth Hall 2009 To prepare: To provide a person with the necessary equipment for an expedition or journey, to defend, to guard, to keep, to look after, to care for, to shield, to shelter or to watch over. To protect: To prevent somebody or something from being...

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How to Talk with Kids About Adoption-Themed Movies

by Beth Hall and Martha Rynberg 2012 One of the most popular themes in children’s movies is loss of parents, often followed by some variation on adoption. It is hard to think of a recent animated kid’s movie that doesn’t touch on these family themes. And that means...

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