Adopting a Child

No. To best serve children’s long-term needs, Pact will only place children with families in which at least one parent is under the age of 53 and, in the case of couples, the older parent is under the age of 59. This policy, based on the average life expectancy in the United States of age 77, is designed to lower the likelihood that an adopted person will suffer another parental loss before they launch into full adulthood at age 25.

Yes! Pact’s adoption placement services, and all our programs, are available to LGBTQ+ parents without any restriction. We know, and research has shown, that same-sex parents are effective and successful parents to adopted children. Recognizing that we live in a heteronormative world, Pact works to ensure that our programs and services are inclusive and not heterosexist or transphobic. LGBTQ+ parents and children are valued members of our Pact community. Pact has been certified by HRC All Children, All Families since 2013, and maintains a private Facebook group for LGBTQ+ Adoptive Parents of Children of Color.

Yes—but we have learned that white parents adopting transracially take much longer to be chosen by the expectant/birth parents we support than the families led by at least one parent of color (BIPOC couples, BIPOC individuals, and inter-racial couples) who make up the bulk of our clients and placements. White prospective adopters who are not participating in Pact’s placement program can still register for our highly-regarded transracial adoption preparation consultations.

No. Pact does not work with prospective adoptive parents who only wish to adopt a child of a specific sex; you must be open to adopting a child of any sex in order to enter Pact’s placement program.

Yes! Placement is only a small part of what Pact has to offer. Parents who adopt or foster children of color outside of Pact are welcome to become members of Pact and participate in our consultations, support groups, Center for Race & Adoption Focused Therapy, webinars, conferences, regional gatherings, and Pact Family Camp. We are here to serve children of color and their families on the lifelong journey of adoption.

Yes, Pact’s placement services are open to prospective adopters across the United States, except New York; California residency is not required. However, the majority of expectant/birth parents who place their children through Pact are seeking adoptive families in Northern California.

Here is a list of books on adoption, race, and parenting that Pact frequently recommends to prospective adopters.

As you set out to learn more about adoption, you will discover that it’s easy to find a chorus of adoptive parents and adoption professionals eager to share their advice. However, at Pact we strongly believe: Adopted people are the foremost experts on the experience of being adopted.

That’s why we strongly recommend that prospective adopters read all the articles Pact has published featuring adoptee voices. They are not all easy to read, but they are hugely important. Immersing yourself in the adoptee perspective now will help you avoid some common parenting mistakes, and figure out what kind of preparation and education you need to embark on so that you will be truly ready to meet your child’s needs. Allow yourself to let go of defensiveness so you can really hear and learn from what adoptees have to say.

We also strongly recommend you read the articles Pact has published by and about first/birth parents, the people in the adoption constellation who are most often silenced and ignored. Understanding the first/birth parent experience and the importance of first/birth family to adopted people will make you a better adoptive parent. Allow yourself to let go of fear so you can accept that every adopted person is connected for life to the family that created them.

If you will be adopting a child who shares your racial identity, check out Pact’s articles by and for same-race adoptive parents. If you will be adopting a child who will not share your racial identity (and particularly if you identify as white), see Pact’s articles by and for transracial adoptive parents, as well as the book Inside Transracial Adoption (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2nd Edition, 2013), by Pact co-founders Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg. There is much you can learn from parents who have gone before you on the same journey.

Waiting to adopt can be hard, but the wait also provides essential time to educate yourself about important topics such as talking about adoption, open adoption, trauma-informed parenting, sibling dynamics, and adoption rituals.

If you enter Pact’s adoption preparation or placement programs, we will recommend additional readings. We believe you owe it to your future children to be as prepared as possible to meet their needs, so they can grow up to become happy and healthy adults with a strong sense of self.