Adoptive Parenting
Check out some of Pact’s most timely and popular publications. For permission to reprint or repost, please contact Beth Hall at beth@pactadopt.org.
by Laura Anderson 2015 I confess that, as a child psychologist, I thought I might have an advantage when I became a parent. Yet I admit that, as an adoptive parent, aspects of my clinical training have backfired with my son. Royally. As I learn and grow in the...
by Liza Steinberg 1998 Adapted from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Dramé. Every child is entitled to love and full membership in his or her family. Every child is entitled to have his or her heritage and culture embraced and valued. Every child is...
by April Dinwoodie 2018 Growing up as a transracially adopted person in the seventies and eighties, I never imagined it would be harder today than it was then to move through the world as a person of color. While there was a stark lack of diversity in rural Rhode...
by Amanda Baden 2018 Ten things I need from those who love me to feel supported as an adoptee of color: Empathy and humility. As an adoptee of color, a psychologist, an educator, and a parent, I have learned that the most valuable gift you can...
by Bryan Post 2020 Along the stress-full journey we shall go In his seminal work, “The Emotional Brain,” neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux explores how traumatic experiences in early childhood, whether remembered or not, can impact adult behavior. “In times of stress,” he...
by Rebekah Hutson 2018 Listen, don’t dismiss The worst possible thing you can do is ignore me, to ignore my voice and my concerns. As someone who loves me, you should be there to support me through my transracial adoption journey, which is lifelong. Too many times,...
by Susan Harris O’Connor, MSW, LICSW, ASQ/CQIA 2018 When Pact asked me to to share what it is I need from people who love me, I thought immediately about the Childhood Relationship Blueprint given to me by my parents and a core group of childhood friends. Born in...
2014 When we asked Pact members what they wish they had known before they adopted, we weren’t sure what kind of response we would get. The feedback we received, overwhelming in volume, was primarily from white parents parenting children of color. Clear themes emerged,...
by Beth Hall 2014 Mom… Hey, sweetie! Mom, I have something to tell you. For those of you who have adult children old enough to live away from home, you will no doubt recognize the fear these words put into the hearts of parents. Is anything wrong? No, no, at least I...
by Stephanie Flores-Koulish originally published 2018, excerpted 2023 Recently, we heard the news of a Border Patrol agent asking two women at a Montana gas station for identification after the agent heard them speaking Spanish to each other. Social media also helped...
2014 Families often consult Pact about how to tell their communities when they have a new baby join their family through adoption. Adoptive parents James and Heidi sent the following letter to parents and teachers in their school community, and gave us permission to...
by Steve Kalb 2018 “Use your words,” I remember telling my daughter. Only two years old at the time, she was upset and couldn’t articulate her feelings. I needed her to speak to me in a way I could understand so I could address her problem. I now realize how...
by Dawn Friedman 2014 “It’s very dangerous where I was born.” The little boy* in my office was eight years old and worried. He was sitting on the edge of his chair, fiddling with the markers in front of him, popping their lids on and off. “There are dangerous people...
by Mary Grossnickle 2015 Many of us have experienced loss in our lives: Loss of a loved one, a marriage, the possibility of not having biological children. All are losses that can be life-altering and/or lifelong. Do you rage against the unfairness of it? Do you...
by Malaika Parker 2014 Shadism (a preference or privilege based on lighter over darker skin tones) is a conversation that gets directly to the heart of racism and its roots. In an effort to fight against these preferences and privileges, Pact does not engage in...
by Beth Hall 2014 At Pact, we get many calls from families asking about the possibility of connecting with their children’s birth parents. When adoptive parents consider opening their child’s adoption with one or more birth family members while that child is still a...
by Pact Staff When considering adoption, prospective parents are asked almost immediately to a make decision about whether they are seeking an open or closed adoption. Making parenting decisions before you become a parent can be challenging, particularly when they...
by Mary Martin Mason 1993 For several years my son's birth mother, my husband and I grappled with the best time to tell Josh that he has a half-brother. Josh's birth father has chosen not to participate in our arrangement of open adoption, and Josh's half-brother is...
by Beth Hall 2018 Why adoptive parents need to talk about birth/first parents Birth parents are surely the least understood and most often villified members of the adoption triad.[1] Outsiders to the experience of adoption will often recommend that it is best to...
In school, children study more than reading and math; they learn how the world operates beyond their own homes. If they are lucky they are taught to search for commonality and to appreciate difference in their classmates and then in their wider community. One way that...
by Beth Hall 2018 Speaking from experience My parents loved to tell the story. They would describe the two ways children could come into the family: through birth and through adoption. In the end, it was me—the non-adopted sibling—and not Barbara, who burst into...
by Lisa L. Moore, LICSW, PhD 2022 Full disclosure: Writing about adoption from the position of being an adoptive parent is new for me. I find the experience of producing my own narrative around adoption from this position to be one that challenges me for two reasons....
by Rebecca Weller 2010 Rituals to mark and heighten a child’s transition from family of birth to family of adoption can be personal and highly moving. Here are excerpts from the entrustment ceremony for my son Elijah. Using ritual and symbol to acknowledge and share...
2010 Ritual can play an important role in helping children address and express unspoken feelings. The folks at FAIR (Families Adopting in Response) developed a beautiful ritual for adopted children. We at Pact encourage families and professionals to think about how...
by Beth Hall 2009 To prepare: To provide a person with the necessary equipment for an expedition or journey, to defend, to guard, to keep, to look after, to care for, to shield, to shelter or to watch over. To protect: To prevent somebody or something from being...
2019 Adoptive parents of color are often told that just being the same race as their child is enough. As adoptive parents ourselves, we know that it takes more than love and racial matching to support our children. We believe that by creating a foundation of trust,...
by Pat Irwin Johnston, MS 2011 Secrecy hides far more than what is private. A private garden may not be a secret garden; a private life is rarely a secret life. Conversely, secret diplomacy rarely concerns what is private, any more than do arrangements for a surprise...
by Beth Hall and Martha Rynberg 2012 One of the most popular themes in children’s movies is loss of parents, often followed by some variation on adoption. It is hard to think of a recent animated kid’s movie that doesn’t touch on these family themes. And that means...
by Beth Hall Originally published 2010, updated 2022 Sometimes, when pre-adoptive parents contact Pact to learn more about our placement services, they seem to view adoption as a process whereby they decide what makes them comfortable in terms of the child they want...
by Beth Hall Originally published 2011, updated 2022 This essay is adapted from my closing comments at Pact Family Camp. While I recognize that the Pact community includes adoptees, parents who have placed children for adoption, extended family members, adoption...