2013

 Everyone within the adoption constellation has an important story that deserves to be heard. At Pact Family Camp we examined the power of narrative, word choice, and voice, as youth and adults told the story of how adoption has impacted their life–in only six words. These six-word memoirs inspire and challenge us to think about the diverse, broad spectrum of the adoption experience and its impact in shaping our lives from multiple lenses within the adoption constellation.

These narratives were inspired by the Race Card Project, begun by journalist Michele Norris, as a means of asking folks to distill their thoughts about race into compact “conversation starters” that wound up instead giving her and the world insight into the plethora of experiences, questions, hopes, dreams, laments and observations of people about race and identity.

The suggestion that it would be interesting to create a version of the Six Word Project focused on adoption came from adult adoptee Jae Ran Kim, founder of the blog Harlow’s Monkey. We share here some of the amazing narratives created by youth and adult participants at Pact Family Camp.

Adult Adoptees

• Two families, oceans apart, forever linked.
• Institutional racism lives in my skin.

Teen Group

• Yes, they are my real parents.
• I was adopted for the better.
• Don’t single me out on color.
• The color of my skin isn’t my identity.
• Racism hurts, so don’t judge, please.
• Yeah, they’re my parents – they care.
• My sister died, but I’m alive.
• Darker the berry, sweeter the juice.
• Please do not judge me ever.
• He’s my brother – yes, he’s black.
• I don’t have to be grateful.
• One child, two families, one love.
• The gap between us is wide.
• I am sorry to not meet expectations.
• What you see doesn’t define me.
• Race. Family. Color. Heritage. Community. Siblings.
• It sometimes sucks to be adopted.
• Don’t judge me because of my color.
• I am proud of my heritage.
• Racism can poison the next generation.
• I stand out in my school.
• Adoption is a trauma that’s ongoing.
• I don’t have to be grateful.
• Not worthless. Worth enough to sacrifice.
• I am an ally for adoption.
• Adoption means a new family’s made.
• I’m not perfect, but still human.
• Adoption means that you are loved.
• Expectations are making being perfect impossible.
• People’s expectations never meet who I actually am.
• Your expectation about me means nothing!
• I am not your expectations, no!
• Don’t assume that you know me.
• Yes, that woman is my mother.
• My adoptive family is no different.
• I am not just another statistic.
• I define myself, not you!
• I am not an object for you to touch.
• I stand out, but I stand tall.
• Hard. Confusing. Lost. Two Families. Difficult.
• Don’t touch my hair.
• I don’t have the black answer.
• Yes, I am confident.
• Please do not judge me ever.
• Don’t ask me if I’m Mexican.
• I am love, strength and courage.
• I’m like a person with feelings.

Tween Group

• If I’m black/African American, don’t judge me.
• Yes, I’m proud of being adopted.
• Why do you always judge me.
• I’m adopted and that’s o.k.
• O.K. Bored. Happy. Curious.
• You are all special to me.
• Love. Hurt. Confused. Proud.
• Some say being adopted is bad.
• Being adopted is awesome, swag cool.
• I cast my shadow on humanity.
• Say what you want to say.
• Just being adopted, doesn’t change anything.
• Are you together? No, just stocking. (When you check out at a cash register and they ask if you & your mom are together.
• Everyone’s special in their own way.
• Every kid is alike in at least one way.
• Kid’s in PACT camp are adopted.
• Be yourself at all, all times.
• You’re blessed to be a blessing.
• You are very special to everyone.
• I am different because I’m adopted.
• Don’t touch my hair without asking.
• I’m still going to stay with my adoptive parents.
• Your birth parents put you up for adoption not because they hated you but because they wanted you to have a good life.
• I love and support adopted people.
• Don’t listen to what others say.
• Yes, she is my adopted sister.
• I wish people would stop asking me why I was adopted.
• My skin color doesn’t matter.
• You will always be swag-magnificent.

Adoptive Parents

• Loving anxiously, testing always, together intensely.
• I’m afraid of getting it wrong.
• Have no idea what I’m doing.
• Language. Flag. Stereotypes. Brother.
• If only I had a Brad Pitt.
• Many complex layers, where too begin.
• So tired. Heart Sore. Complicated love.
• I am a half-wit spirit guide.
• Balancing gentle healing with firm boundaries.
• Half our heart is in Taiwan.
• Heart connection with you my guide.
• It’s hard. Together we’ll be o.k.
• No greater joy – no greater pain.
• Sad. Grateful. Exhausted. Loved. Eager. Needy.
• Opened my heart, made me cry.
• Unconditional love, lived complexly and simply.
• Two/three families, oceans apart, balancing dance.
• Basking in glow of her security.
• Desperately seeking a ____ for separation.
• Fifth in line, smells like mine.
• Please don’t take my sunshine away.
• Charismatic people magnet, out of context
• Two white moms, two black sons.
• Darker the berry, sweeter the juice.
• No, he was born in Texas. I am not a fucking saint. Don’t pity us for our losses.
• Your cape turn stares into smiles.
• I am enlightened through my son’s eyes.
• It’s hard. Together. We’ll be ok.
• The greatest joys, the deepest heartaches.
• Please call our daughter right away.
• Mama, I want to see her.
• Romp in the rain naked, laughing.
• Not my blood, but my heart.
• My heart, her heart, your heart.
• You are my dream come true.
• You have changed my life forever.
• So much wrong, you are right.
• No, love is not enough (sorry).
• I love our magnificent Motley Crew.

• Beloved beautiful. Black boys, blessed mothers!
• Find out why, then change what.
• Through tears we find love space.
• Are you two together? Challenging family.
• There are never too many people loving our children.
• The shallow pool gets deeper quickly.
• I ask myself the same thing …
• Can we do enough for her?
• No matter what, I am here.
• No one ever looked like me.
• Completeness for me = fragmentation for you.
• River started before our evolving rafts.
• Is that your grandma? She’s white.
• Every day I reinvent my heart with you.
• Questions: How can I help strengthen?
• Our roller coaster together, fun or fear?
• Your loss, where will it lead.
• This momma’s here, you can fall.
• Give what is given, plus some?

• Seat’s taken. You can’t sit here.
• No, I am not the babysitter.
• So, who does she look like?
• Is your youngest transracially adopted too?
• Love defies preconceived constructs or assumptions.
• Dad. Mom. Dad. Mom. Simultaneously real.
• White noise antenna up. For _____.
• Love is easy. Courage is hard.
• She’s my everything. I ‘m not hers.
• Loving others stretches my heart.
• Two sons, so different, both loved.
• Different spirits. Different races. Swimming together.
• Living for love, joy and justice.
• People are curious about our family.
• Boys wrestling with brothers and pain.
• Hearts full of tears and joy.
• I don’t let myself love ‘em.
• Frightening, heart-opening, loving you, growing me.
• Your chocolate skin is so beautiful.
• We aren’t alone. We belong together.
• Are they really brother and sister?
• Parenting ultimate door to feeling inadequate.
• I a mistake, my children not.
• Jewish Black woven through my life.
• He’s mine. And hers. And ours.
• Losses and joy, alone and together.
• Family explodes my heart with love.
• So grateful for my complex family.
• My greatest joy and your heartbreak.
• Happiness at the expense of adoptees.
• Happiness at the expense of birthparents.
• Always more work to be done.
• Two boys, four mothers. Searching, learning.
• Pushing guilt to work for change.
• Stepping outside self with revealed purpose.
• I am mother, hear me roar.
• Being your mama is healing me.
• My children are not my children.