by Schai Schairer, LMSW

2024

While in recent years conversations around racial bias, policing, and systemic injustice have gained national visibility, for many adoptees of color, these issues are more than headlines—they are lived realities. I have made it my life’s mission to address these challenges within the adoption community. I have spent my career advocating for adoptees like me who face the unique intersection of being raised in interracial families and navigating a world fraught with racial biases.

[Editor’s note: The author chooses to use the phrase “interracial adoption” to describe families like her own, in which white parents adopt children of color. While this family formation is more commonly described as “transracial adoption,” within Pact and elsewhere, the author feels that “transracial” implies a loss of racial identity.]

My presentation at Pact Family Camp, “Adoptee Insights: Exploring Racial Bias in Law Enforcement,” was created primarily to equip white adoptive parents with a better understanding of the complex dynamics of race, policing, and identity.

Why This Training Is Necessary

For interracially adopted children, especially Black children adopted into white families, discussions around race are often minimized or overlooked. Yet, for these children, people outside their family home see them first and foremost as Black, regardless of their upbringing.

I understand that many white adoptive parents may struggle to fully comprehend the weight of systemic racism, particularly when it comes to interactions with law enforcement. I want to help parents prepare for the realities their children will face. “Becoming prepared, not scared” is at the core of my mission.

This is not about instilling fear; it’s about giving families the tools to address the complexities of race and policing with confidence, empathy, and knowledge. My hope is that parents become better equipped to support their children through tough conversations and real-world experiences.

My Story: A Personal Encounter with Law Enforcement

I always incorporate my own personal story into the trainings I deliver. I have faced many moments in my life when my racial identity as a Black person was starkly contrasted with the privileges my white family enjoyed. However, none was more harrowing than the day I was brutally assaulted by a police officer at Rockville Town Center.

I had gone to the movies with two friends, and was standing outside the theater waiting for my mother to pick us up, when an officer approached and directed us to move. I politely told the officer that I had been instructed to wait there for my mother. After he and I exchanged some words back and forth, the officer said, “Do you realize you are speaking to a man in uniform and you can be arrested?” Without provocation or explanation, he grabbed me by my neck and threw me on the ground. When I put my hands out to break my fall, I pushed him over, which led to him charging me with assaulting an officer. With his knee in my back, I was unable to remove my hands from underneath my body, which led to him charging me with resisting arrest. I screamed to my friends to call my mother. When my mother arrived, she jumped out of the car and asked, “What is going on here?!” The officer said, “Ma’am, this has nothing to do with you, get back into your car.” My mother said, “This has everything to do with me. That is my daughter!” The officer immediately let me go. While the charges were completely erased, the incident left me physically and emotionally traumatized. For me, this experience was a shocking and painful reminder that, no matter my background or family’s status, the world saw me first as a Black person.

That moment changed everything for me. I realized that my family’s love couldn’t shield me from the reality of being Black in America. And I knew that it was part of my responsibility to ensure others were educated.

My story is not just a reflection on personal trauma—it’s a call to action for white adoptive parents to understand that their Black children may face similar challenges, and to prepare them for these interactions with empathy, honesty, and support.

Becoming Prepared, Not Scared

Preparation involves creating an environment where children can talk openly about race, develop a strong sense of identity, and know how to respond if they ever encounter racial bias or over-policing.

“Becoming prepared, not scared,” is more than a catchphrase —it’s a mindset. It’s about empowering parents and children to face difficult conversations and potentially dangerous situations with the right tools, knowledge, and support. I believe that by equipping parents with historical context and practical strategies, they can create a safer, more informed environment for their children.

Becoming prepared is not something you can do in a day. Below I list a number of strategies parents can pursue, on their own and with their children.

Prioritize safety

Deliver “Know Your Rights” education at home

• Take the time to understand local, state, and federal laws that affect interactions with law enforcement, particularly as they relate to racial bias and systemic issues. Educating yourself not only informs your approach but helps you share accurate information with your child.
• Discuss children’s rights, including the right to remain silent, request a lawyer, and avoid self-incrimination.
• There are some states that allow police to question minors without an adult present. KNOW YOUR LAWS for your state.
• Practice responses that are polite yet assertive, so children feel equipped to navigate difficult situations.

Role-play scenarios with your child

• Role-play various scenarios of police interactions to help children understand what to say and do.
• Emphasize the importance of standing up for themselves with respectful, assertive language—but also knowing when to back down for their own safety. Teach them to read the situation, understanding when staying silent or disengaging is the safest option.

Develop a comprehensive safety plan for inside the home

• Based on your research, outline a clear, actionable plan for what to do if police come to the home.
• Teach children what to say and do, especially if an adult is not present: Ensure children know who to contact in an emergency and keep emergency contacts easily accessible. Store this information in a place they can easily access, such as their phone or wallet.

Create a safety plan for outside the home

• Teach children to be aware of their surroundings, including noticing if there are few or no other people of color present, which may represent a heightened level of visibility and risk. Remind them to keep their phones charged and accessible.
• Make sure they know who to contact in case of an encounter with law enforcement, even if parents are unavailable.
• Practice how to respond to police in different settings and reinforce key actions, like staying calm and keeping hands visible. Be prepared to have difficult but essential conversations about the fact that they are likely to be treated differently than you are by police—readily assumed to be guilty, criminal, and/or dangerous.

Build a foundation of open communication and understanding

Engage in consistent open dialogue about racial identity and racism

• Regularly talk with your child about the unique challenges they may face, ensuring they feel heard and validated. Create a safe space where they can share their feelings, fears, and experiences. Emphasize that no question or concern is off-limits.
• Know your child’s personality and temperament. This understanding helps you guide them toward standing up for themselves in ways that align with their personal comfort and confidence levels.

Connect with communities that share, celebrate, and defend your child’s identity

• Participate in community groups and events that reflect and celebrate your child’s heritage, which helps build confidence, pride, and connections with supportive allies.
• Identify mentors who share your child’s racial or cultural background. These role models can offer invaluable advice, support, and lived experiences to both your child and you.
• Attend social justice workshops together fosters mutual learning and a shared commitment to advocacy and resilience.
• Engage your child in community service, mentoring, or advocacy programs, which not only contribute to their community but help build a support system.

Educate yourself and build community awareness

Continue your own education on racial bias, systemic issues, and historical context

• Take proactive steps to learn about racial bias in policing and other systemic challenges. Understanding these realities equips you to guide your child confidently and empathetically.
• Discuss these topics openly with your child, so they can recognize the broader context of the challenges they may face.

Build relationships with community members

• Develop connections with local community leaders, social workers, school administrators, and activists. A broader support network can help you advocate for your child and address community-specific issues.

Join or form community support groups with similar families

• Connect with other adoptive families of children of color, sharing experiences and resources. Support groups can provide emotional backing and effective strategies for overcoming challenges.

Learn more about local law enforcement

• You cannot “gift” your white privilege to your children of color, but you can wield the power it grants you to advocate for change in your community. You can learn more about law enforcement in your community by joining organizations that monitor police activity, talking to community officers in your neighborhood and resource officers at your child’s school, checking out police-sponsored community programs, and attending and speaking up at town halls and police review/oversight meetings.
• While these strategies won’t eliminate systemic bias in policing, they can be part of your efforts to create a safer and less racist environment for people of color.

White adoptive parents can take these proactive steps to support their children of color in navigating interactions with law enforcement. Some of these tips and tools are resources I wish my mother had at her disposal. These strategies can help prepare children for challenging situations, but no set of tools can fully protect them from bigotry or shield them from systemic bias. I hope to cultivate empathy within families so white adoptive parents can truly grasp the racial realities their children of color face. By understanding historical context, systemic racism, and policing dynamics, parents can become stronger advocates who offer both emotional support and practical guidance, equipping their children to face a world where, despite every precaution, they will still encounter prejudice.

A Call for Empathy, Knowledge, and Support

I hope white parents will start vital conversations within their adoptive families families. My mission is to emphasize the importance of empathy, preparation, and knowledge as the tools to navigate a world shaped by racial biases and over-policing. The goal is not to create fear, but to prepare families to face these challenges head-on with understanding and strength so we can stand together as advocates for children of color in a world that may not always see them for who they truly are.

Schai Schairer (she/her, they/them), LMSW, and their poetic alter ego Diabolically Haitian, is a spoken word artist and advocate. An adopted gay woman from Haiti, she is a Howard University-trained social worker and award-winning poet committed to empowering incarcerated women, adoptees, and LGBTQ individuals of color.