Resources
Check out some of Pact’s most timely and popular publications. For permission to reprint or repost, please contact Beth Hall at beth@pactadopt.org.
by Liza Steinberg 1998 Adapted from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Dramé. Every child is entitled to love and full membership in his or her family. Every child is entitled to have his or her heritage and culture embraced and valued. Every child is...
by April Dinwoodie 2018 Growing up as a transracially adopted person in the seventies and eighties, I never imagined it would be harder today than it was then to move through the world as a person of color. While there was a stark lack of diversity in rural Rhode...
by Amanda Baden 2018 Ten things I need from those who love me to feel supported as an adoptee of color: Empathy and humility. As an adoptee of color, a psychologist, an educator, and a parent, I have learned that the most valuable gift you can...
by Bryan Post 2020 Along the stress-full journey we shall go In his seminal work, “The Emotional Brain,” neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux explores how traumatic experiences in early childhood, whether remembered or not, can impact adult behavior. “In times of stress,” he...
Are you considering forming or growing your family by adopting a child? As you set out to learn more about adoption, you will discover that it’s easy to find a chorus of adoptive parents and adoption professionals eager to share their advice. However, at Pact we...
by Sara Mascardo 2018 In my entire life, I have never been asked what I, an adoptee of color, needed to feel supported. Then I discovered Pact, an amazing community of other adopted people, and a community that supports my journey in a way I have not experienced...
by Rebekah Hutson 2018 Listen, don’t dismiss The worst possible thing you can do is ignore me, to ignore my voice and my concerns. As someone who loves me, you should be there to support me through my transracial adoption journey, which is lifelong. Too many times,...
by Susan Harris O’Connor, MSW, LICSW, ASQ/CQIA 2018 When Pact asked me to to share what it is I need from people who love me, I thought immediately about the Childhood Relationship Blueprint given to me by my parents and a core group of childhood friends. Born in...
by Rebecca Carroll 2016 Give your black children some black to grow on -- black friends, black culture; work hard and tirelessly to make sure they are never the only one in the room, anywhere. Find a black person to teach you how to manage your children’s hair and...
2014 When we asked Pact members what they wish they had known before they adopted, we weren’t sure what kind of response we would get. The feedback we received, overwhelming in volume, was primarily from white parents parenting children of color. Clear themes emerged,...
by Beth Hall 2014 Mom… Hey, sweetie! Mom, I have something to tell you. For those of you who have adult children old enough to live away from home, you will no doubt recognize the fear these words put into the hearts of parents. Is anything wrong? No, no, at least I...
by Dwight Smith 2016 A version of this essay was previously published on medium.com. What happens when a Black boy is adopted at birth into a white world where race and racism are ghosts of the past and racial identity is a silly thing to waste time thinking about?...
by Louise Derman-Sparks 2018 PART ONE: THE DEVELOPMENTAL JOURNEY Supporting our children’s learning to know themselves, and to like who they are—without feeling superior or inferior to others—is a fundamental task of parenting. This task is about both children’s...
by Parker Dockray and Susan Dusza Guerra Leksander 2017 Mother’s Day can bring fraught feelings for many of us. This is particularly true for mothers touched by adoption, whether as first/birth mothers or as adoptive mothers, because for both groups there remains...
by Stephanie Flores-Koulish originally published 2018, excerpted 2023 Recently, we heard the news of a Border Patrol agent asking two women at a Montana gas station for identification after the agent heard them speaking Spanish to each other. Social media also helped...
by Kathleen Neilsen 2015 Choice is treasured in our society. From what we eat, to where we shop, to what we watch on television, Americans value having options. Some hypothesize that this value is associated with being members of a capitalist society. Regardless of...
by Katie Wynen 2015 Adoption literature is dominated by the voices of adoptive parents, with a sprinkling of adoptee voices and even fewer birth parent voices. The book Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge was published in...
by Susan Branco 2018 I am a practicing Licensed Professional Counselor and work primarily with transracial adoptive families. When I began my doctoral studies in counselor education and supervision in 2012, I realized that despite significant gains in research related...
2014 Families often consult Pact about how to tell their communities when they have a new baby join their family through adoption. Adoptive parents James and Heidi sent the following letter to parents and teachers in their school community, and gave us permission to...
by Marisa Rosa Margarita Carrillo Bytof Renner 2016 The moment I stepped into that McDonald's, my adoptive mom and my cousin at my side, I felt like there were just two focused spotlights, one directly on me and one on my birth mom. I walked towards her, my hands...
by Steve Kalb 2018 “Use your words,” I remember telling my daughter. Only two years old at the time, she was upset and couldn’t articulate her feelings. I needed her to speak to me in a way I could understand so I could address her problem. I now realize how...
by Dawn Friedman 2014 “It’s very dangerous where I was born.” The little boy* in my office was eight years old and worried. He was sitting on the edge of his chair, fiddling with the markers in front of him, popping their lids on and off. “There are dangerous people...
by Mary Grossnickle 2015 Many of us have experienced loss in our lives: Loss of a loved one, a marriage, the possibility of not having biological children. All are losses that can be life-altering and/or lifelong. Do you rage against the unfairness of it? Do you...
by Dr. Kripa Cooper-Lewter 2016 Transracial and transnational adoption not only connects children with adoptive parents, but in many instances also forms new sibling relationships across more than one race. Parents who have adopted children of different races face the...
by Rebecca Carroll 2016 It's said that a person’s story belongs to them; I don't know if that's true for people born into the same families in which they grow up, but mine has never felt like my own. Maybe that's because it's always been a little different, depending...
by Rosalio Chavoya 2018 In July 2018, Rosalio Chavoya shared his experiences with the child welfare and criminal justice systems as a guest speaker at Pact Family Camp West. The perspective of the father is often ignored or neglected when talking about foster care and...
by Malaika Parker 2014 Shadism (a preference or privilege based on lighter over darker skin tones) is a conversation that gets directly to the heart of racism and its roots. In an effort to fight against these preferences and privileges, Pact does not engage in...
by Beth Hall 2014 At Pact, we get many calls from families asking about the possibility of connecting with their children’s birth parents. When adoptive parents consider opening their child’s adoption with one or more birth family members while that child is still a...
by Susan Ito 2018 Realize that my inner identity might not always match my outer identity. Identity is complicated for adoptees of color, and how we identify inside might be different than how we present externally. Please ask me how I identify. The answer, especially...
by Pact Staff updated 2022 Teachers want every student to feel welcomed and included. There are a number of ways that teachers can make sure that adopted children—and other children whose families might be considered “non-traditional”--don’t feel “other-ed.” Family...