Adoptive Parenting
Check out some of Pact’s most timely and popular publications. For permission to reprint or repost, please contact Beth Hall at beth@pactadopt.org.
by S. Kripa Cooper-Lewter 2013 The stories we are told and the stories we tell have great meaning for our lives. As a social worker, researcher, author, life coach, wife, parent, and adult adoptee, I am fascinated by the way families go about constructing a coherent...
by Rona Renner, RN published 2010 “Do you think my child’s fearful approach to everything new is because of his early experiences, or is it just his nature?” “My daughter’s high energy is really hard for me, I wonder if she’ll always be so hyper.” These are typical...
by Kenneth W. Watson published 1996 Parents have been trying to make sense out of the behavior of their children since Adam and Eve. This wish to understand people’s behavior (our own and others’) suggests wide acceptance of the belief that our behavior has meaning...
by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall published 2002, updated 2025 Following means being responsive to your child’s lead. Haley, at four, is fantastic. With seriousness and concentration, she cooks our breakfast at her toy stove in the backyard—sand oatmeal, pebble...
by Virginia Keeler-Wolf (originally titled “Why Children Don’t Talk (Much) About Adoption”) published 1996, updated 2025 Adoptive parents often say that their children don’t talk much about adoption, and don’t seem interested when parents bring up the topic. Does this...
adapted with permission from Holly van Gulden published 2009, updated 2025 Regression (noun) a return to an earlier or less developed condition or way of behaving a going backward or a backward movement or progress, especially through the earlier stages of forms of...
by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg updated 2025 Mother: When you talk about your birth mother as your “real” mother, I wonder if it’s hard to figure out who your “real” mom is when you have two mothers, a birth mother and a mommy? Child: Yeah, most kids just have...
by Pact Staff April 2025 Reading to children is one of life’s great joys—and a crucial parenting tool. Exposing children to books from a young age helps them learn about themselves, and the world, while also building their language and cognitive skills. Reading...
Book Review: Adopting Privilege: A Memoir of Reinventing My Adoptee Narrative by Abigail K. Hasberry, Ph.D. reviewed by Katie Wynen April 2025 Content warning: This review includes reference to sexual abuse. “My story is complex and profound, both ugly and beautiful...
Book Review: Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer Motherhood and Black Resistance by Francesca T. Royster reviewed by Raquel Vivanco March 2025 In the coda to her memoir Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer Motherhood and Black Resistance (Abrams Press, 2023), Francesca...
by Sloan Nova, Psy.D. 2024 “I don’t think the trauma ever goes away fully. I think you either are lucky and you learn how to deal with it, or it takes you out.” The quotes in this article are from interviews with adoptees about their lived experiences of being placed...
by Sloan Nova, Psy.D. 2024 As expressed in Twice Removed: Adoptees and Residential Treatment Care, it is critical for adoptive parents to take cautious, compassionate steps before considering residential treatment for their child. Start by seeking adoption-sensitive...
Learn how adopted tweens are developing new analytical abilities, and beginning to explore new ideas, identities, and world views. They are getting messages from media and peers that they should begin to separate from their family, but most of them are not emotionally...
Book Review: Adoption Unfiltered: Revelations from Adoptees, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Allies by Sara Easterly, Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and Lori Holden reviewed by Pact Staff If you’re seeking to move past the “fairy tale” and deepen your understanding...
by Laura Anderson 2015 I confess that, as a child psychologist, I thought I might have an advantage when I became a parent. Yet I admit that, as an adoptive parent, aspects of my clinical training have backfired with my son. Royally. As I learn and grow in the...
by Liza Steinberg 1998 Adapted from “A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks,” by Marilyn Dramé. Every child is entitled to love and full membership in his or her family. Every child is entitled to have his or her heritage and culture embraced and valued. Every child is...
by April Dinwoodie 2018 Growing up as a transracially adopted person in the seventies and eighties, I never imagined it would be harder today than it was then to move through the world as a person of color. While there was a stark lack of diversity in rural Rhode...
by Amanda Baden 2018 Ten things I need from those who love me to feel supported as an adoptee of color: Empathy and humility. As an adoptee of color, a psychologist, an educator, and a parent, I have learned that the most valuable gift you can...
by Bryan Post 2020 Along the stress-full journey we shall go In his seminal work, “The Emotional Brain,” neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux explores how traumatic experiences in early childhood, whether remembered or not, can impact adult behavior. “In times of stress,” he...
by Rebekah Hutson 2018 Listen, don’t dismiss The worst possible thing you can do is ignore me, to ignore my voice and my concerns. As someone who loves me, you should be there to support me through my transracial adoption journey, which is lifelong. Too many times,...
by Susan Harris O’Connor, MSW, LICSW, ASQ/CQIA 2018 When Pact asked me to to share what it is I need from people who love me, I thought immediately about the Childhood Relationship Blueprint given to me by my parents and a core group of childhood friends. Born in...
2014 When we asked Pact members what they wish they had known before they adopted, we weren’t sure what kind of response we would get. The feedback we received, overwhelming in volume, was primarily from white parents parenting children of color. Clear themes emerged,...
by Beth Hall 2014 Mom… Hey, sweetie! Mom, I have something to tell you. For those of you who have adult children old enough to live away from home, you will no doubt recognize the fear these words put into the hearts of parents. Is anything wrong? No, no, at least I...
by Stephanie Flores-Koulish originally published 2018, excerpted 2023 Recently, we heard the news of a Border Patrol agent asking two women at a Montana gas station for identification after the agent heard them speaking Spanish to each other. Social media also helped...
2014 Families often consult Pact about how to tell their communities when they have a new baby join their family through adoption. Adoptive parents James and Heidi sent the following letter to parents and teachers in their school community, and gave us permission to...
by Steve Kalb 2018 “Use your words,” I remember telling my daughter. Only two years old at the time, she was upset and couldn’t articulate her feelings. I needed her to speak to me in a way I could understand so I could address her problem. I now realize how...
by Dawn Friedman 2014 “It’s very dangerous where I was born.” The little boy* in my office was eight years old and worried. He was sitting on the edge of his chair, fiddling with the markers in front of him, popping their lids on and off. “There are dangerous people...
by Mary Grossnickle 2015 Many of us have experienced loss in our lives: Loss of a loved one, a marriage, the possibility of not having biological children. All are losses that can be life-altering and/or lifelong. Do you rage against the unfairness of it? Do you...
by Malaika Parker 2014 Shadism (a preference or privilege based on lighter over darker skin tones) is a conversation that gets directly to the heart of racism and its roots. In an effort to fight against these preferences and privileges, Pact does not engage in...
by Beth Hall 2014 At Pact, we get many calls from families asking about the possibility of connecting with their children’s birth parents. When adoptive parents consider opening their child’s adoption with one or more birth family members while that child is still a...